I think one of the things I dislike most about having an autoimmune illness is the lack of consistent energy level, how that energy can be entirely sapped away by a single incident, and then you’ve got nothing.
You wake up in the morning like this:
And, an hour later, you’re like this:
The lack of control and predictability makes me nutty some days.
It’s very trying.
I’ve really had to surrender it to God and say, “Your will be done.”
I believe that, if anything needs to be done today, He will give me His strength to do it.
If He hasn’t given me strength to do it, then it’s not that important that it has to be done today.
Somedays, it seems like I have no energy and I have a deadline –something that absolutely does need done today.
Those are the days I pray through everything I do.
Those are the days I let even more things slide to get the important task done for the deadline.
Those are the days that I have learned to ask for help.
People with many different invisible illnesses find themselves in similar places where they just don’t have enough (physical or emotional) energy to do everything.
We call it “spoons” referencing an article that was written to try to help those without illnesses understand what it’s like to live with an invisible illness.
I firmly believe that my health condition was no accident.
This is what God is doing in my life.
Everyday, He wants me dependent on Him, trusting His grace and strength to sustain me.
What better way to do that than to make me so weak I’m forced to turn to Him?
I think He knows I’m so stubborn I never would have surrendered any other way!
He wanted total victory in my life and would take nothing less than my unconditional surrender.
I know myself well enough to say that pre-illness Sarah would have pursued my own glory instead of God’s and used the gifts He gave me for my own pursuits.
But, He had other plan for my life.
The condition of my character, my soul is so much better because of His plans, because of this illness.
He doesn’t need my strength, my stubbornness, my determination, my self-reliance.
He just wants me to turn to Him sooner, to pursue Him all the more fervently.
He is the only reason I have hope beyond this illness.
One lady asked me how I stay to positive and hopeful. She knew I was a Christian and asked me not to talk to her about my faith. I had to be honest with her that I had no answers for her apart from Christ and His eternal hope.
He is my hope.
He is my sustainer.
He is the reason I keep pressing forward each day.
I know what He’s doing is ultimately for my good, and I know that He will finish what He’s started.
When He is done, I’ll be found pure as gold.
We all have days when we find we can’t do what we need to or want to. How we respond in that situtation is really important.
I encourage you –not to simply try harder– but to turn to Him sooner.
(All images except this one were found on Facebook. I’m uncertain of the origional sources but would gladly credit them if I knew.)