The Lord has brought me so far in the last 7 years.
I was reading in my old blog and found some posts about my illness.
This was before we knew about the autoimmune illnesses, when I didn’t know why I was so tired, sick, discouraged, and unable to function.
I am sharing this now to remind you that just because you don’t know what God is doing doesn’t mean He is not working.
He has done some wonderful things in my life all while I wondered where He was and why He wasn’t answering my prayers.
Take courage, my friends. God is there and He is working even when you can’t see Him!
From October 2009:
There is this woman I am supposed to be.
Or at least that I always wanted to be and thought I would be.
We all have seen her… she had ten kids, all well behaved, all well dressed in clothes she made.
Their house is always clean.
She grows her own food, makes her own bread, manages her husband’s finances, homeschools all her children, and still has time to craft, teach sunday school, lead a children’s choir and co-ordinate the local homeschool group.
I want to be that woman.
I am even sometimes angry at God that He didn’t make me that woman.
Does she really have it all together?
Or does she cry over her short comings when no one is watching just like I do?
Does she struggle every day like I do?
Or did God give me a disproportionate measure of shortcomings?
How is it that I could possibly bring Glory to Him in my current state?
Sometimes it seems cruel that He would make me as I am.
I know that He is not.
I believe that He is not.
From May 2009:
I have always had this vision of the woman I would be one day.
She would be able to manage a family and balance a ministry. She would homeschool her children (all umpteen of them) and still have a clean house and an empty laundry room.
She would not be too negatively affected by the pregnancies in her life and certainly not impaired with illnesses that would keep her from either pregnancy or the energy to care for her family.
She would be the essence of femininity.
Her home would be her ministry because her home would always be open to others. Bible studies, educational classes, mentoring young women, family gatherings… all these would be her hallmark.
With all my heart I wish I could be this woman.
I know that God made me the way I am with purpose and intention.
Sometimes I wonder what that intention was.
We all wonder what God is up to sometimes. His ways are so far beyond our understanding.
But He is there, and He is working for His glory and our good.
Wait on the Lord.
We’ll understand soon enough.
And, even if we don’t understand before we reach Heaven, He is still worthy of our honor and praise.
He is worthy not just of our trust but of all our worship regardless of our circumstances.