With my ongoing illness, I have had so many times where I was just so frustrated about my situation.
On the days when I am too weak to walk and too weak to care for my family, I am tempted to ask where God is. I mean, in my heart I know He is here (Hebrews 13:5), but in my weakness I don’t feel Him here.
I feel alone.
I feel abandoned.
And I wonder how God could ever use any of this pain and suffering for His glory.
What glory does it bring Him that I am unable to function?
Unable to care for my family?
Unable to serve?
Unable even to attend church?
These are my honest ponderings.
I make no pretense that it is even right to question God (Romans 9:20), but I must work through these questions in my own mind to stave off anger and frustration, which loom –it seems– always ready to steal my joy.
In a song I heard, the author asks “How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing?”
It caused me to pause and consider.
What if all the times I asked God where He was and why He hadn’t given me more strength, He already had –and I just didn’t realise it?
What if, without Him, I’d be even worse off than I am?
What if that days that I do have strength to care for my family is because He gave me the strength for that day?
What if the little strength I do have is because He gave it to me?
What if He is protecting me from something worse? What if He has rescued me from terrible things which I will never even know about? And I am complaining about what He hasn’t done?
What if the reason I am still breathing is just by His grace? (Acts 17:28)
What if I am looking at it all wrong?
What if I am viewing it backwards?
What if I am frustrated that He hasn’t given me strength when He already did? And that is why I am not more sick, more not-able-to-function?
I cry out for His strength not realizing He already gave it to me. That without His strength, I’d be so much worse off than I am!
Over and over in Scripture, it says that for those who trust the Lord He is their strength (Psalm 28:7).
Not “He will be if they beg” but “He is.” “He is their strength”– already, without asking.
Trusting God equals His strengthening.
It is already happening behind the scenes without me even knowing it. He is standing with me, giving me strength for every moment, even when I can’t see Him.
Even when I feel weak and vulnerable and forgotten and useless and abandoned.
I have been trying to praise Him out of my lack, to find something to be thankful for from my sad, sickly existence, not knowing that I had so much to be thankful for!
It’s about being thankful for what He has done, and not begrudging what He hasn’t.
He’s not done working yet and so much of what He is doing I cannot see.
All I must do is choose to trust the Hand of my Unseen God, knowing that He is doing exceeding abundantly above all that I ask or think (Ephesians 3:20) and knowing that He is the Unseen Power who has already given me the strength I need for today.
He is the Unseen Power who has already given me the strength I need for today.
Originally written in 2014 as a Facebook post