A year ago, I lost my medical doctor when the clinic decided that I was too sick and they weren’t willing to see me anymore.
Searching for a new doctor was not a simple process.
After a couple of appointments that went badly, I started interviewing new doctors before I actually had an appointment.
I typed up a health history to help the potential doctor.
This was a Facebook post from a year ago today:
“In the process of preparing for the interview, I’m typing up a health history. Aside from the fact that I’m running a fever today and have a headache, I’m dredging up a lot of really bad, emotional memories.
“I don’t usually talk about or think about the negative stuff.
“I normally focus on how far God has brought me rather than how horribly people have treated me, but this history –some of which is important for the new doctor to know– is forcing me to address those memories.
“I’ve been betrayed.
“I’ve lost friendships.
“I’ve had doctors diagnose me with the wrong things.
“I’ve had mental health professionals accuse me of having horrible disorders I don’t have.
“I’ve had people say they’re supportive and then stab me in the back.
“I’ve had days when I felt completely and totally abandoned by everyone –including God.
“I’ve been so sick I can’t walk and had people accuse me of not caring and not trying.
“I’ve been told my illness was a result of unconfessed sin.
“I’ve been told I wasn’t saved –because saved people never get sick, right?
“I’ve been told was not a godly woman because my house didn’t look like Better Homes and Gardens.
“I even had people threatened to take my kids away from me if I couldn’t do better at cleaning my house.
“I’ve spent hours prostrate on the floor begging and pleading with God for answers.
“The point of this post is this:
“No matter what has happened to me, God was there and He was completely, totally faithful and in control.
“Nothing this world can set against me can separate me from Him –not even well-meaning, yet hurtful and not helpful Christians.
“He has seen me though.
“My memories may upset me, but this post is my rebuttal to my own emotions and doubts: I serve a great and powerful God!
“He will eventually reveal the purpose behind every struggle and heartache that we don’t understand.
“We’ll understand it better by and by.”
As I read that Facebook post from a year ago, I was comforted by how far God has brought me in the past year.
The new doctor mentioned above has been very helpful in my healing process.
God has been faithful even when I struggled to trust that He would be.
I’m so glad that His faithfulness is steadfast even when my confidence in Him is not.
I eagerly await heaven when the whys and wherefores will be understood.