ADHD, charts, homeschooling

13 Facts Parents of ADHD Children Should Know

#ADHDFacts #DrBarkley #GraceUnderPressureBlog #ADHDAwarenessMonth

If you love someone who has been diagnosed with ADHD or who you think has ADHD you might feel like you’re fighting a battle. False information, extreme biases, and fake news are profuse to the point that what most of the public believes about ADHD is simply lies –lies that affect those of us who have ADHD and those of us love people with ADHD. I’m not going to misrepresent this: it can feel like a battle. But, there are science and facts to combat the profuse misinformation permeating the internet.

Here are some facts you need to know about ADHD:


1. ADHD is not a new diagnosis, but the truth is that it has been well-researched all the way back to the late 1700s when Sir Alexander Crichton (1763–1856) gave a detailed and accurate description of the condition.


2. ADHD is not really about attention: it has been mislabeled and is actually a regulation problem due to the underdevelopment of the frontal lobe in people who have ADHD causing a failure to develop age-appropriate behaviors on schedule with their peers (attention problems are a byproduct of poor regulation).


3. In ADHD, the hyperactivity is caused by the overgrowth of the action part of the brain combined with the low ability to regulate due to the underdevelopment of the frontal lobe.


4. A huge component of ADHD –which is unfortunately not in the diagnostic criteria– is emotional dysregulation which affects every aspect of the ADHD person’s life and especially those who love and care for them.


5. ODD is a byproduct of ADHD which results from the emotional dysregulation combined with anger (often anger about not being understood), and every ADHD person is automatically subclinically ODD.


6. ADHD is the most researched and proven condition of any mental health condition known to man regardless of what culture and media tell you.


7. ADHD people are not addicted to media and video games, but rather media and video games work in a way that gives immediate responses which ADHD people need to stay motivated and focused.


8. ADHD is not a result of lack of discipline or poor parenting, but rather it is a result of how the brain has formed which is usually a result of genetics and can even be identified by genetic markers.


9. ADHD can be proven, there are even brain scans which back up the science proving that it is real, and it is the most treatable condition in psychology even though most ADHD people do not get treated.


10. ADHD needs to be identified and treated –the earlier the better– and there is significant potential damage for children who do not get a diagnoses, treatment, and have knowledge of their own diagnosis (I cannot emphasise enough how important knowledge of the condition is to the healthy psychological development of the child).


11. ADHD is a neurogenetic disorder, and ADHD medication is a scientifically proven neurogenetic treatment.


12. ADHD people are statistically far less likely to become addicts if they are effectively medicated and treated before they get desperate enough to start self-medicating with drugs, tobacco, and alcohol –even the majority of addicts with ADHD do not go back to illegal drugs if they are properly diagnosed and treated for their ADHD (It doesn’t matter what the media says, because the science backs up this position).


13. ADHD people cannot and will not be “normal” –ever– because they have different brains, so normal methods of organization, education, employment, etc will not work for them like it works for those who have neurotypical brains (this is why I endorse homeschooling).


This is a summary of topics discussed in Dr. Barkley’s “30 Essential Ideas You Should Know About ADHD” plus a few additional ideas which have their basis in science. You can find the entire 3-hour video series by Dr Barkley here, and I highly recommend taking the time to listen to the whole thing if you know and care about people who have ADHD or who you think might have ADHD.

If you don’t have 3 hours you can get a taste of the wonderful information available from Dr. Barkley in this video which is about 14 minutes long.

If you enjoyed this post, please subscribe to my blog or follow me on Facebook. You can also download a worksheet to help you evaluate if your child’s ADHD treatment plan is working.

Blessings,

Sarah Forbes

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illness

Please Stop Giving Me Weight Loss Advice | Weight Loss Is Far More Complicated Than You Think It Is

Dear friends and family…

And complete strangers in the grocery store…

And purveyors of exercise programs…

And friends on Facebook…

And friends of friends on Facebook…

And sellers of diet pills, nutritionals, and protein drinks…

And random people who stop by my blog…

Please stop giving me weight loss advice.

I’m actually less concerned about my you bugging me about my weight than I am concerned the stigma attached to people who are overweight.

Hear me out.

Here’s something you may not realize: weight loss is so, so, so, so, so, so very much more complicated than you think it is.

“Well, no, it’s not,” you say, “You eat healthy food, you move your body, and you lose weight.”

Right?

Wrong!

So, so, so wrong.

The above statement presupposes that you have a healthy body to begin with.

Without a healthy body that simply will not work!

I was born sick.

I’ve been sick most of my life in varying degrees, and my body has never —I repeat, never— worked properly.

Here’s an interesting little factoid: I spent two years having salads and meat for every single meal and exercising regularly, and I still gained weight.

“How on earth can that happen?” you ask.

It’s simple.

My body is broken.

I cannot lose weight until I fix the problems in my body.

Most of these problems are issues of my genetics which has predisposed me to certain conditions, many of them autoimmune related.

And none of them are my fault.

I have spent the better part of the last two decades being obsessed with food –not obsessed with eating food, but obsessed with what I should be eating and trying to put the right foods into my mouth.

I am absolutely not overweight as a result of not eating healthy.

In fact, I think that the only reason I’m still alive is because of how careful I’ve been about my health and what I put in my body.

I have exercised until I nearly passed out and couldn’t walk anymore and still didn’t lose weight.

Here’s something that baffles people: you know those two years when I was eating salads with protein at every meal?

I got sicker.

Way, way, way sicker.

Believe me, you do not have to tell me that this is not the way it is supposed to work.

I got so sick from all that “good eating” that my diet was reduced to only four things I could eat: ground beef from one local meat shop, chicken broth (but not bone broth), kidney beans, and occasionally some cheddar cheese.

If I deviated from the above four food items, I would start hemorrhaging rectally –and sometimes vaginally.

Yes, hemorrhaging.

It’s frankly terrifying when there’s blood coming from all kinds of places it really shouldn’t be.

It’s been going on for over 2 years!

That doesn’t even begin to explain the pain I experience.

I have no choice but to adhere to a very strict diet of those few things I can eat without hemorrhaging.

Now, if diet and exercise isn’t the answer –and I promise you it isn’t regardless of what our culture believes– then what is?

I currently have over 20 medical diagnoses, and those diagnoses do not explain all my symptoms.

What would help me lose weight is to accurately diagnose and treat the conditions which are causing the chaos in my body to begin with.

Here’s an uncomfortable truth: it is possible that we might not find diagnoses or treatments.

I could even die from my conditions.

But, it’s not from lack of trying to get better.

I have a whole team of medical doctors trying to come up with answers and treatments for my puzzling ailments.

If people who specialize in autoimmune diseases have to confer with other autoimmune disease specialists to come up with a viable treatment plan for me because of the extreme complexities of my illness, what makes you think that your diet is the answer?

I’m so tired of being told that if I just did this diet or that diet then I would lose weight.

No, actually, I’ll lose weight when my endocrine system is able to function in a healthy way and my immune system stops attacking itself!

I’m sorry to burst everyone’s bubble but it’s not as simple as diet and exercise.

I repeat: it’s not as simple as diet and exercise.

And no, I’m not doing your diet… because it will land me in the hospital.

What I wish healthy people realized is this: the majority of people you see around you who are overweight are far more conscious of their health than you are.

But, you have a healthy body, and they do not.

This is, for the most part, due to their genetics and not due to them not caring, or eating too much sugar, or whatever you think causes their problems.

That is a lie that sick people fight against their whole lives.

If you know an overweight person, most likely they are sick —even if they don’t know it and haven’t been accurately diagnosed.

People often don’t get medical help because, even if they have some health problem, they –and everyone around them– just assumes that they aren’t trying hard enough to eat healthy and exercise.

More than one time, I’ve had people tell me that if I would just stopped eating at McDonald’s I would lose weight.

Here’s the reality: I wouldn’t even dream of eating at McDonald’s unless I was suicidal, because that a sure-fire way for me to end up hospitalized!

Gradually, over the last 18 months, my doctors and I have found ways to increase the foods I’m able to eat to about 20 items.

So, I’m not really the person to complain to if you have to remove a single item like gluten from your diet –I might be slightly less compassionate than the average person.

I just wish people would stop acting as if it’s simple.

Like if I just did this one thing than all my health and weight problems would go away.

Do you think I’ve not considered every single possibility available to me?

My life may depend on my choices!

Don’t you think I wish there was one simple answer that would solve all my health problems?

But, it’s not that simple.

And, my weight itself is not a health problem.

My weight is a symptom of my health problems.

I have come to grips with my weight and am focusing on being healthy which is honestly a better goal than being thin.

Even if I lost a bunch of weight by some miracle pill or liposuction or whatever, it isn’t going to fix the problem that caused that weight to begin with.

Please, don’t assume it’s simple.

Please, don’t assume you know more about my condition than I do or than my doctors do.

And for heaven’s sake, don’t assume I’m not trying every single reasonable thing I can to get better.

But, 99.9999% of the suggestions I get are things that I’m either severely allergic to, that I’ve already tried, or that would send me to the hospital.

If you feel the need to do something, instead of giving unsolicited advice, pray for me.

Pray that I would have strength and be pain-free so I can be active and take care of my family.

Pray that my immune reactions –to, well, basically, everything– would minimize.

Pray that my doctors have wisdom to diagnose and treat my conditions.

Pray that my family continues to have the money for my treatments since we lost our insurance and my treatments wouldn’t even be covered if we got new insurance (it’s a long story).

If you feel generous and feel like you just need to do something, you could even donate money to help with my medical expenses.

But, in the name of all that’s good and holy, please stop sending me links to new diet plans and trying to sell me your shakes and pills.

If you do send something to me, please do not be shocked and offended when I do not respond enthusiastically but instead send you the link to this post.

And, please stop viewing every overweight person as a slob who doesn’t care instead of a real person who is trying to overcome his or her genetics and health complications.

Overweight people are –with very few exceptions– ill people.

They shouldn’t be objects of ridicule and criticism.

They should be given understanding and compassion.

And support.

There: that’s my tirade about magic pills and diet plans.

I don’t mean to offend anyone, but this is the honest truth about what I know and how I feel.

Be thankful if your genetics has not predisposed you to live with severe illnesses and significant weight problems —you are far more blessed than you realize.

Oh, and one more thing: please don’t pick apart every little thing I’ve said in this post and give me even more unsolicited diet and health advice.

Because that would just be rude.

Blessings,

Sarah

If you liked this post, you might also like some of my other posts:

Why I Am Not Ashamed of Being Overweight: My Weight is Part of My Story

Too Much Information: 10 Unexpected Symptoms of My Illness That it’s Taboo to Talk About

From Immobile to Mobile: a 20-week Exercise Plan for the Obese and Chronically Ill

faith, myths

The Bible Doesn’t Call Us to Host Dinner Parties | A Discussion About the True Meaning of Hospitality

More than once recently, a young mom with a bunch of little kids in tow has lamented to me that she’s falling behind on her job as a Christian…

…Because she’s not hosting dinner parties.

Well-known Christian authors have published books about the importance of having dinner at a table and inviting many people to that table –often with scripture that supposedly backs this up.

I have some shocking news: not only does scripture not tell us to host dinner parties, it doesn’t even command us to have dinner at a table.

Ok, now, catch your breath.

I know I just contradicted hundreds of years of Christian traditions.

But, Christian traditions do not equal Bible commands.

In fact, what we really need to do is compare the traditions of men with scripture.

Did you know that the Bible commands us to not get caught up in the traditions of men —especially if those traditions are based on philosophies that are not according to Christ?

So what is the definition of hospitality?

“Friendly and welcoming to strangers or guests” according to Google.

One Bible commentary defines it as “willingness to help the weary and heavy-laden ones of the world.”

And what does the Bible have to say about hospitality?

How is the word hospitality used in the Bible?

What are these verses that are misapplied and used to make moms of little children feel like failures because all their energy is going into providing for and caring for little eternal souls instead of cooking fancy meals?

Aren’t little souls supposed to be a mama’s first responsibility?

And, who is daring to make a mama who is focusing on those little souls feel bad about her properly-placed priorities?

One rule of Bible interpretation is that you use the most detailed verses on a topic to help explain the less clear verses.

Another rule is that you take the historical context and passage context into consideration when applying scripture.

That means that we cannot pick a verse out and use it however we want to –we have to figure out what the verse was intended to mean.

The most detailed verses regarding hospitality are the following verses:

“Do not neglect hospitality, because through it some have entertained angels without knowing it.” Hebrews 13:2 (MEV)

The KJV doesn’t even use the word “hospitality” in this verse but gets right to the point of focusing on strangers:

“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.” Hebrews 13:2 (KJV)

Another verse on this topic lists the qualifications for a widow to be worthy of financial support from the church:

“Do not let a widow be counted unless she is over sixty years old, has been the wife of one man, is well attested in good works, if she has brought up children, has lodged strangers, has washed the saints’ feet, has relieved the afflicted, and has diligently followed every good work.” 1 Timothy 5:10

Other translations say she doesn’t qualify unless she is “known for showing hospitality.”

“Above all things, have unfailing love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without complaining.” 1 Peter 4:8-9

Here are some things we know based on the above verses: we are commanded to show hospitality to other Christians according to 1 Peter and to show hospitality to strangers according to Hebrews.

Now, let’s look at the historical context of these verses.

What was going on in the world at the time? The New Testament was written against the backdrop of the Roman Empire.

Christians were being persecuted and were fleeing for their lives.

We know this because many of the letters in the New Testament telling the believers how to handle persecution.

Do you think that with all that persecution going on that the writers of the New Testament were actually telling the Christians to host dinner parties?

No, that’s ridiculous!

They are saying something like this: “When strangers who are believers come to your town fleeing persecution, open up your home to them and help them.”

See the context there? How that fits into history and agrees with the passages?

Hospitality in the New Testament isn’t what we think of as hospitality today.

It isn’t making an elaborate meal and keeping a house clean for people to come have a party.

In the context of scripture, hospitality is opening your home to or helping those who are in need.

While the Bible doesn’t specifically say that you cannot open your home to unbelievers, there are specific commands to be hospitable to other believers.

So, mama with a bunch of little kids who feel like you are not being hospitable, let me ask you a question: if someone knocked on your door today and they were injured and needed help, would you help them?

That is being hospitable.

If you knew a mom who was being beaten by her husband and she came to you and said “My children and I need a safe place to stay,” would you help her?

That is being hospitable.

If there was a car accident outside your house and people were hurt would you go out and help?

That is being hospitable.

This is helping true needs –serving and ministering.

And, it has nothing to do with a clean house, fine china, and elaborately planned dinner menus.

If you think hospitality is about those things, you are missing the point.

Hospitality in the context of the Bible is meeting the needs of other people and helping them when they need help.

That idea is further backed up by Hebrews 12:13 which says:

“Contribute to the needs of the saints, pursue hospitality.”

The command to be hospitable isn’t given to just women, either:

“A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach.” (1 Timothy 3:2)

As a person with chronic illness, I may not be able to many things –I certainly am not healthy enough to host dinner parties, and we rarely even eat at the table because the table is usually covered in school supplies and groceries I haven’t had the strength or energy to put away yet.

Shocking, I know!

But, if you have a need, I will be there for you if I at all can.

We know a Christian family who lives a ways away from us and kind of in the middle of nowhere.

We were traveling and needed a place to crash for a few hours so my boys who were little at the time could take a nap while my husband was working that day.

Unfortunately, circumstances around the job he was working had prohibited me from making solid plans earlier –I didn’t know I needed a place to stay until that day, and we didn’t know another soul in any direction for hours and hours except one family.

This family refused to let us come by their house even for a few hours.

I was desperate for somewhere to go because my husband needed the car to go to the job he was there for –he needed the car for the job, and the children and I were not allowed on the job site or else I could have just stayed in the car and had the children sleep there.

Every plan I came up to address our situation fell through.

I ended up paying for a room at a hotel so my children could take a nap: we paid hundreds of dollars that we couldn’t really afford to use a hotel room for a few hours when our friends were right down the road unwilling to help us.

Although I’m sure their reasons seemed sound to them, it seemed like when we were really in need, they refused to help –like they viewed us as an inconvenience rather than a Christian brother and sister in need or a ministry opportunity.

That’s the point of hospitality: helping those in need.

It isn’t about having a finely set dinner table –it is about helping others when they are in need.

I have always wondered how I would respond to someone’s need –and planning and writing this post has made me rethink how I address requests for help.

I mean, sometimes, I am just unable to help.

If you call me and say “I really need a ride,” and I am in too much pain to drive that day, I cannot help you –but, I would probably try to find someone else to help you.

A while back, a car broke down across the street from my house.

I live on the busiest street in my town: it is the main road between our little town and the next big city where most people work.

I joke that the whole down drives by my house every day.

The car had been sitting there for a while along the side of the road with traffic whizzing by it.

The inhabitants didn’t get out of the car, and I wasn’t sure at first that there was even anyone in there.

I was getting ready for a medical procedure, and we really had to leave by a certain time.

Then I noticed movement in the car.

I wasn’t sure what to do.

I was concerned about their car being in traffic.

I was concerned that maybe they didn’t have a phone or that they needed help.

So, I finished getting myself ready to go and walked carefully across the street.

They had broken down, they had a phone, and they were waiting for a relative to come help them –he was about an hour away.

I offered to get my boys to push their car out of traffic, but they didn’t want to.

Thankfully, it was not hot that day, and the mom seemed to be entertaining her munchkins to pass the time.

I offered use of our bathroom, but she said they were fine.

I didn’t know them and didn’t feel comfortable leaving them in my house while I was gone: I needed to leave for the doctor’s office in less than 10 minutes.

I did the only thing that I could think of: I went into the house, gathered up some bananas and bottled water and took it over to the car for them, and I told her they were welcome to run around in our yard and use our lawn chairs while they waited if they wanted to.

She had mentioned that they were headed to someone’s house for lunch before they broke down; I would have provided something more to eat, but that was about all I had because I really needed to go grocery shopping.

She thanked me profusely, and I just tried to be as kind and helpful as I could be under the circumstance.

I kinda felt like there was more I should have done, but I couldn’t figure out what.

By the time I got back from the doctor’s office, they were gone.

Do you see someone in need? Help them if you can!

Even a little help is better than no help.

When the scripture says you may be helping angels unaware, it doesn’t mean that one of the people from your church who come over for a dinner party is secretly an angel.

It is talking about helping strangers.

I have seen my parents live out this idea of helping people in need –they have done it before my very eyes, and I am honored to be able to see their faith in action.

I have seen them help people who have needs –like being stranded in one state trying to get to another– and my parents have dropped everything and driven those families to the place they were trying to get to even hours away, provided food for them, diapers and clothes for their children, and made sure they were in a safe place once they got to the new location.

I have no doubt in my mind that my parents’ hospitality to strangers left a lasting impression and a strong testimony to those to whom they have ministered.

I implore you, do not reduce the concept of hospitality down to a dinner party.

If you do, you miss the point.

You do not have to have a clean house to minister to other people’s needs.

My house was not clean when I was helping the family with the broken-down car, and I would have brought them in my messy house if they needed to use the bathroom.

If I hadn’t needed to go –and been unable to reschedule the appointment, I would have even brought them into my home until their help arrived.

Do you think that the lady trying to get away from domestic abuse cares when the last time your living room was vacuumed? Or your shower clean out?

So, mama out there with a house full of little people feeling like you can’t be hospitable: look for ways that God brings people into your life that you can minister to.

Our responsibility is to focus on the eternal things in our lives: the souls of your children matter more than the condition of your house; the souls of those around us who are in need matter more than the condition of your house.

You do not need a clean house to help other people.

And, you certainly don’t need to host a dinner party to do it.

Those who say hospitality is about a dinner party are missing the point of these verses and missing opportunities to minister to others.

Not only that, they are teaching –erroneously– that women who are unable to host dinner parties are somehow in sin for not doing so.

It’s not that there is anything wrong with hosting dinner parties, but that is not what the Bible is commanding us to do.

We need to read the Bible with the context of what it was written and what God was trying to communicate through the original authors instead of simply viewing the words through our modern, wealthy, American culture.

Blessings,

Sarah Forbes

ADHD, getting started homeschooling, homeschooling

How To Plan a Flexible Homeschool Schedule

Schedule is actually a bad word at my house, and I don’t call what we do a schedule.

Maybe more like a plan, but I still put schedule in the title.

Because that is what most people will think of when they see our plan.

This post is a follow up to a previous post I wrote about what to do when mom can’t do school; I came up with a plan of how to do school after some surgeries many years ago.

school-schedule

It turns out that this plan isn’t just for sick and recovering-from-surgery moms –it seems to work really well for moms with ADHD and moms who have ADHD kids.

The beauty of this plan of mine is in its flexibility.

You have a basic plan written out but the freedom to adapt it to whatever you need each day.

How awesome is that?

I have been told that this plan has saved more than one mom’s sanity, allowing her to flexibility to plan each day based on her child’s needs that day or even her needs that day.

For that reason, I am writing a follow-up post with a worksheet to help moms make a schedule like this of their own.

After you have a basic schedule plan made, you can pick and choose each day which of those options you will actually do –this is great if you have days when you are in pain or where a kid is just having meltdowns. You can pick just a few things for today and try again tomorrow.

I hope that this will help other moms find a workable schedule that is flexible enough to work with their special needs children or their own health or mental health issues.

Examples of the worksheet download:How To Plan a Flexible Homeschool Schedule.jpg

How To Plan a Flexible Homeschool Schedule (1).jpg

Download the whole pdf  with instructions for creating your own flexible homeschool plan HERE. 

Blessings,

Sarah Forbes

faith

How Long Does It Take to Read Each Book of the Bible? Plus a FREE Printable!

Do you ever have a few extra minutes and think of picking up the Bible to read and then don’t?

It happens to me sometimes, especially when I am sitting waiting for doctor appointments.

I have this perception that it takes so long to accomplish reading a book of the Bible, and I am reluctant to get started without knowing if I can finish before my time is up.

So, I hatched this idea: how long does it take to read each book of the Bible?

If I knew that, I could choose a book that I had time to finish before my appointment.

It would help me fit in reading times without getting interrupted.

That’s where this list came from.

Online, I found a list of every book of the Bible and how many words were in each book.

Then, based on the average reading speed according to trusty ol’ Google of 200 words per minute, I figured out how long each book would take to read.

Although I actually read faster than 200 words per minute, I found that when I was testing these estimated times for reading the books of the Bible, I read slower than the estimated time.

I think that this is because I tend to meditate on the scripture and mentally compare it to other passages.

It would take longer if you were reading it out loud as the average person speaks about 150 words per minute when reading aloud –however, I have found audio Bibles to be useful tools especially when I am struggling to read due to my health issues.

I hope that this will encourage others to read more of the Bible –myself included.

Although I have read through the entire Bible more than once in the past, I would like to do it again if my health doesn’t prohibit me.

It doesn’t seem that daunting when you realize you could sit down and read the book of Jude, for example, in about 3 minutes.

How Long Does It Take To Read a Book of the Bible-CLICK HERE DOWNLOAD THE PDF: “How Long Does It Take To Read a Book of the Bible?”

Save this image to Pinterest for future reference, or download and print the PDF to keep in your Bible for a reference!

If you found this helpful, follow me on Facebook or subscribe to the blog to get future posts.

Blessings,

Sarah Forbes

faith

How Do I Do It All? Plus A Free Peace Day Challenge Printable

#biblicalpeacedaychallenge

The last week or so has been challenging for me.

I am having flare-ups from my car accident.

Although the car accident was over six months ago, I seem to be healing more slowly than average due to the complexities of my health issues.

I am particularly struggling to remain peaceful with the amount of pain I am dealing with –often so much that I cannot even walk.

Earlier this week someone asked me how I do it all –how do I run a house, stay organized, do everything that I am supposed to do?

There is a simple answer: I don’t.

I simply don’t do it all.

I cannot do it all.

And, I don’t believe that God expects me to.

Every day, I am expected to get done what I can do.

If I cannot do it, I was not expected to do it that day.

God doesn’t expect from us what we cannot give.

He knows that we are frail humans, and He knows what we are capable of.

I have a rule that if I can’t do it without yelling, being unkind or not being peaceful, I’m not doing it.

My testimony in front of my children is more important than the task.

I am struggling to maintain that testimony, but I am striving to do so in spite of daily pain and immobility.

I don’t have some magic solution to life that makes me able to handle all of life’s challenges beautifully.

I am not super organized and a super mom.

What I have done is I have trusted God with the things that I cannot control.

I have trusted Him with the things I cannot do.

If I cannot do it today –either because my health or circumstances prohibit me– then God did not intend me to do it today.

If I understand this, it alleviates the frustration and guilt associated with trying to do it all and failing.

If what I do today is completely surrendered to the Lord, if I am okay with whatever He brings my way, then I will not be angry when I am unable to do the things that I thought that I was supposed to do.

I only feel out of control when I fail to remember that He is in control.

So, how do I do it all?

I don’t.

I don’t even try to do it all.

I try to do what is truly important –things that have eternal value.

I try to be a servant to my family –as much as I can be in a state of ongoing health problems.

And I surrender the rest to the Lord.

Most of the problems I have –most of the time that I have had anger– is when my ideas of how my day should go come face to face with how the Lord is allowing my day to go.

When things don’t go my way, it often results in anger if I cannot remember that He is in control of all, knowing all, directing all.

Far more important than if my house was cleaned today….

Or if dinner was made on time…

Or if all the dishes were done…

Or if my homeschool plan was fulfilled…

… is my testimony before my children.

How I respond when things do not go my way matters.

How I handle the imperfect situations shows my children how they should respond when things inevitably do not go their way.

It is our testimony to our children about whether or not we really believe that God is in control.

We say that we believe God is in control.

But do we show that in how we act?

The things that need to be done are never more important than the attitude we have while doing them.

We tend to think that our character is reflected in what we accomplish –if we get enough done– when in reality our character is reflected in how we do what we do.

The amount accomplished has little to do with it.

Do only what you can do with an attitude that honors the Lord!

We should be far more concerned with how we do things than how many things we accomplish.

We can trust what happens to the Lord who is in control of all.

And, we can never go wrong by focusing on our character –which is eternal– over our to-do list –which is temporal.

Below you can download some free printable to remind you to focus on your testimony to your children and family.

Choose PeaceClick here to download the above image

 

I have a rule that if I can't do it without yelling, being unkind or not being peaceful, I'm not doing it. My testimony in front of my children is more important than the task.

Click here to download the above printable

Blessings,

Sarah Forbes

ADHD, illness

I Failed Flylady | What To Do If You Can’t Even Do Flylady

Once upon a time, this mom tried to follow Flylady.

If you’re not familiar with Flylady, it’s advertised as a program for even the most chaotic of people to get their homes and lives organized.

All my friends swore by it and promised that if I just tried, this would solve all my housekeeping problems.

I failed.

Miserably.

If they gave prizes for the worst failure, I’d surely have won.

Even the program made for super unorganized people was too much for me.

The problem was that Flylady did not address the actual issues in my life.

Issues like health, energy, focus, the ability to walk and not be dizzy, unexplained pain, etc.

15 years and more than 20 diagnoses later, I know what was inhibiting my ability to follow through.

At the time, I actually emailed Flylady and asked what they recommended I do if I was unable to follow their plan.

She replied saying that I probably had health problems that were keeping me from being able to follow through.

Since I had recently had a physical showing no problems I unwisely dismissed her explanation.

She was so right, but I wouldn’t learn how right for many years.

So, what do you do if you find yourself in a position where you can’t even do Flylady?

You’re not alone!

Here are some things you need to know:

1) If you have ADHD or some mental or physical health issues, be honest about it and how it affects your life and ability to maintain.

2) If you think you have something but don’t know why you can’t keep up, get help: get a diagnosis and treatment, and don’t give up advocating for yourself until you get answers –even if that means going through alternative medicine to get answers that “regular” doctors won’t consider like adrenal fatigue or autoimmune illness treatments. I had to do this, and it quite simply saved my life.

3) Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Be honest with people about how you’re struggling –and if you can’t trust your friends with this, you need new friends. You need a support system. If the system of friends around you are anything but supportive, do yourself a favor and find a better support system.

4) Minimize. If you can’t control and manage your stuff, you need less stuff. Don’t let your desires get the better of you: be realistic. I know from experience that my house can quickly start looking like a hoarder (even though I’m not a hoarder) if I bring too many things into my house.

5) Be okay if it’s not perfect. A functioning cluttered house is better than a perfectly clean house where everyone is miserable or a hoarders house where your stuff is crushing you and causing shame. Find balance. I’ve known people with perfectly clean houses where everyone’s completely unhappy. People are more important than stuff, and your relationships are more important than the condition of your house.

6) Don’t buy into the American lie that the only “right way” to be is Type A and super organized. It takes all kinds, and there’s no shame in being who you are. Don’t waste your life trying to be something you’re not. There’s more than one way to skin a cat, and there’s more than one way to run a house. It doesn’t have to be the “right” way.

7) Do what works to make the house function even if it isn’t the “right” way. For instance, one friend of mine dumps all her silverware in a drawer without sorting because her kids mess it up anyway. I don’t fold clothes. We either take it straight out of the dryer or put it unfolded in the drawers. No shame in doing what works. Let go of what you were told was the right way and stop trying to be something you’re not. I have other posts about this.

8) Prioritize: if you have very limited energy like I did, do not waste time and energy on silly things like shining a sink. I cannot justify energy to make my bed and clean the sink when I could be using my limited energy on something important like cooking. In my case, I could hardly walk and yet I was trying to go into the kitchen every single day and stand over the sink and scrub it out when I hurt too much to even clean the dishes. But –by golly– I was going to keep that clean sink empty and that sink shiny because that’s what I was supposed to do to stay on the plan. Even if that meant I couldn’t walk the rest of the day.

I thought I could get better at being organized by sheer willpower. I have a blog post about that, too. Sheer determination is not the answer to success.

The only way I’ve kept my house clean was paying someone or asking for help.

Because I’m physically unable to do it.

My children are older now and decided to take the cleaning on themselves.

I wish I could alleviate the guilt from myself and other people that I felt for the last 15 plus years of not being able to keep up.

Eventually, I started accepting this about myself, acknowledging that I couldn’t do it all and trying to be okay with my imperfection.

One thing that has helped me is to pick 2 or 3 things I can get done. If I get those done, I try 2 or 3 more.

I hope this helps others.

I hate to think of other moms out there struggling with this guilt.

When you can’t even do the cleaning method that’s supposed to work for the worst of the slobs, you really start feeling like a loser.

But, we can only do what our minds and bodies are healthy enough to do.

We are not the sum of our health or mental health issues.

And neither are they our fault.

No guilt, mamas!

Get help.

Get answers.

Get free of the guilt!

Blessings,

Sarah Forbes

faith

Jesus Wants You to Be at Peace

Do you feel at peace?

Do you feel that you have calm in the storm you are facing right now?

Do you feel anchored and able to face all the things coming at you?

Do you feel that you have the tools you need to deal with the situations in your life?

Are you confident that you can handle any situation with peace?

Biblical Peace Day Challenge

I recently wrote a series about maintaining your peace and calm in the midst of life’s chaos.

I am the first to admit that I have not entirely mastered this topic, but I have made significant headway based on the methods I wrote about in these posts.

Now, when I lose my cool, I have the tools I need to look introspectively, observe my behavior and motivation, and adjust my behavior in the future.

The strength that comes from being peaceful is not something we normally think about.

We normally think that loud is strong –not quiet.

Never assume that loud is strong and quiet is weak.

Peace is within our grasp: it is what we are called to.

The following are the posts in the series I wrote about getting to a place of peace. If you find yourself without peace, yelling, stressing, constantly running trying to get everything done, take some time to read these.

Peace is possible.

Here are the posts in this series.

God has called us to peace….Peace Day Challenge, Part 1: We are Called to Peace

My testimony about learning to live in peace in spite of chronic health issues….Peace Day Challenge, Part 2: Even If the Healing Never Comes: Choosing Contentment

Verses to remind us to live in peace….Peace Day Challenge, Part 3: Scriptures Verses About Living in Peace

This is my challenge to you to spend one day in peace according to my conditions and see if it doesn’t make a difference in your life….Peace Day Challenge, Part 4: The Actual Peace Day Challenge

An example in my life of struggling to learn to be peaceful…..Peace Day Challenge, Part 5: Yes, I Still Lose My Cool Sometimes

This is how I use my peace day experiences to make my regular days function better….Peace Day Challenge, Part 6: Peace Day Challenge Reflections

Here are a few things I have learned from my Peace Day reflections:

1. Eat first when making dinner. Seriously. If you lose your temper while making dinner, try eating a high protein snack before starting. It will help you maintain your peace.

2. When you are in pain, do not try to correct your children. You will end up yelling at them. Ask your husband to do it or deal with it later.

3. If you hurt when you get home from the grocery store, wait until tomorrow to put non-perishables away. It won’t matter if the grocery bags sit on the floor for a day or two. If you’re in pain and push yourself, you will be impatient and unkind.

4. If you are stressed out, order pizza or go get a rotisserie chicken. It will give you time to relax and isn’t that expensive. Trying to make dinner when you are already stressed out will not help you maintain a peaceful existence.

5. On days when you don’t feel well, skip homeschool classes that require your help. It will use up all your limited energy and then you won’t have the energy for dinner or taking care of your family.

6. Get off social media when it is making you grumpy. You will transfer that to your interaction with your family. If you are grumpy, focus on God’s goodness instead of social media nastiness.

Those are just a few adjustments I have made to how I handle my life as a result of focusing on peace.

It is my prayer that this concept will be a blessing to those who read about it and bring peace to the homes of many families.

You can have peace in your house, mamas.

Take the Peace Day challenge!

Jesus wants you to be at peace.

Blessings,

Sarah Forbes

faith, homeschooling

40 Printable Bible Verse Flash Cards

Due to my children’s learning disabilities, they really struggled with memorization.

For that reason, I backed off Bible verse memorization a while ago and have just recently decided to revisit it.

I started by making a list of verses that I thought were important for them to have memorized and made them into flashcards.

Some of these they already have memorized, and others are simply my favorite verses.

It was important to me to avoid verses that have confusing interpretations.

This is just the start of Bible curriculum I am compiling for my boys.

Here is a sample of the flashcards.

Sample Bible Verse Flash Card.PNG

Download the PDFs (20 flashcards in each PDF; PDFs updated)

Bible Verse Flash Cards 1

Bible Verse Flash Cards 2

Blessings,

Sarah Forbes

homeschooling

Dear Homeschool Curriculum: You’re Not the Boss of Me

Dear Homeschool Curriculum,

You’re not the boss of me.

But, I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to figure that out.

You are like a stern older teacher looking over her reading glasses at me disapprovingly, making me feel like a huge loser, but I have learned to ignore you.

I wish someone had told me that trying to follow you to the letter of your law would make me miserable.

I wish someone had told me that trying to follow you to the letter of your law would make my children miserable.

I wish someone had told me that strictly adhering to you would make my children resent me and cause problems in our relationship, making them feel like I cared more about your plan than I did them.

I wish someone had told me that not even public school and private school teachers adhere to you legalistically or even complete all of your pages but that they only pick and choose the parts of you that they need for their classes.

I wish someone had told me that the recommendations within your covers were just that —recommendations— and that children have unique needs that do not always, match your cold, rational, black-and-white plan.

I wish someone had told me it was okay to not do everything in your plan –it would have alleviated a lot of homeschool mom guilt when my child learned at his own pace like the unique and individual person that he is instead of in the way you said he was supposed to.

I wish someone had said it’s okay not to finish you and that we didn’t need to double up if we got behind.

I wish someone had told me that my fear of getting behind by not doing all of you was unfounded —that there is no behind in homeschool.

I wish someone had told me that “do the next thing” was a legitimate homeschool schedule and not just taking the easy way out, so I could just ignore whatever schedule was written in your pages.

I wish someone had told me to ignore you when you said to give glitter and glue to a 4-year-old and to do elaborate art projects with my children who have developmental disorders and fine motor skill problems.

I wish someone had told me that I wasn’t depriving my children when skipping the bazillion crafts, science experiments, and various assignments that made my children hate me and made me want to claw my own eyes out.

Even when I did skip those activities I felt guilty because you told me I was supposed to do them, and if I didn’t do what you said, I felt like a failure; I wish someone had said I wasn’t a failure –I was a teacher, and good teachers do what works best for their students to learn.

I wish I had learned earlier that you are not my boss!

You are just a tool —just one tool of many, many tools.

You’re a tool, but you are, by no means, my master.

I’m the master!

You’re a just book —which isn’t even necessarily the best homeschool tool out there!

I wish someone had said that just because other moms worship you and are willing to sacrifice their firstborn to you in the name of “a proper education” does not mean that I had to –and that I would be better without your or with very little of you.

I wish someone had told me that the best learning is not what kids only see in your pages, but that the best learning is multisensory, fun, child-led, and that which the kid doesn’t hate.

I wish someone had told me that media is a completely viable and legitimate learning method –not a cop-out for moms who couldn’t teach “the right way,” that the right way isn’t with books and worksheets: it’s whatever works best for the child.

I wish someone had told me that no child has a life-changing moment when doing one of your boring worksheets and that it was okay to throw it out in favor of joy-filled learning!

I wish someone had told me that putting my child’s needs first was the right way to homeschool.

I wish someone had told me it was okay to use you in any way that worked for me —regardless of your creator’s original intentions.

I wish someone had given me permission to burn you and all your friends if you didn’t work for my child’s needs; to try something new and then to keep trying new things until I found what worked for us with no guilt.

I wish someone had given me permission to free myself of all y’all and just enjoy my children and enjoy teaching them.

I wish I hadn’t been your slave for so long.

I wish someone had told me that our best learning would happen apart from you and that you were a self-imposed prison that I could free myself from.

I wish I had revolted a long time ago and ignored that voice in my head that said that you were “the right way” to educate my children.

I wish I could free the hundreds and thousands of homeschool moms out there who are shackled to you and making their children miserable not knowing they could be free, not realizing that they can say no to any or all of your recommendations or even throw out all of you and your friends if that’s what’s best for their child!

I wish I had followed my children’s interest and preferences a long time ago instead of expecting them to conform their interest to what you were forcing upon them.

I wish I had freed myself long ago from the shame associated with not doing your plan or not completing all your pages.

I wish someone had just told me that it is entirely and wholly right for me to do what worked best for my children regardless of what you or any expert said because you do not know and love my child like I do nor are you invested in them like I am.

I wish someone had told me that it was wrong to force my child to use you if you were causing emotional and psychological damage by pushing too hard or moving too fast or making them feel like a failure.

I wish someone had told me that you-based learning, meaning book-based learning, works really well for only one type of learning style but not all learning styles.

I wish someone had told me that you are a very small part of my children’s real education, that their real education is being my apprentice in real life and that you should never trump exposure to real life situations.

Basically, I wish I had trusted my instincts as a mom over you a long, long time ago.

And, I can guarantee you, I’ll never make that mistake again.

Because, you’re not the boss of me!

You never really were —but I just didn’t know it.

Blessings,

Sarah Forbes